neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
