my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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