Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
