When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
