I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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