The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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