my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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