WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
