what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize