I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize