Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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