haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
