I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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