They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
