I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
