You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
