And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
