why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize