i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
