did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
