Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
