Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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