I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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