And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
