Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
