you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sober January is a disaster.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
