Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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