Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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