It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
