I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
