You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
