I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drake has all the answers
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
