I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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