Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
