I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
