I heard we made out
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
