Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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