if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
grandma shit on top of the toilet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
