Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
