If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
