why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
