Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just threw up on my dentist
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
