cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
