It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
