So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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