we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize