Someone shit on the floor
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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