i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
