Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's like iHOP with fire
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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