I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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