i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
