yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
