what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
