I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
