I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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