i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
