I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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