If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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