thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
