She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
