Have you finally orgasmed yet?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
