if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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