You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
