This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
