sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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