we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
