He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
