You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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