I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
