Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
