Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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