Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
