dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
