I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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