im six kinds of drunk right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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