One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
