Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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