We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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