Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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