Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
