I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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