So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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