You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
