Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
