Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
