I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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