I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
