Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
