i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize