just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
