He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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