I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
