you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
