I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
