What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
