i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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