I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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