i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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