It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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