he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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