I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
