why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
