defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
