Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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