so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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