btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I believe in your delicious
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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