dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God, I missed his penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
