There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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