a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize