sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
