My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize