We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
