you have to choose: penises or morals?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
