Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
